I'm sorry
by Elby-Tiadoroppu
Summary: oneshot, female hawke x Fenris, both their POV. Hawke wants to heal Fenris after a fierce battle, he won't let her, they end up confessing a bunch of things. Many thoughts and reasonings. Rated T for swearing once in a while. NO SPOILERS, it's safe! -deathfic-


**Hey guys!**

**I know I promised you to write the next chapter on my Fairy Tail fic 'Fairy Love', but I've been kind of obsessed with Dragon Age 2 lately, and since this idea just wouldn't come out of my mind unless I'd write it down...I wrote it down! XD**  
**I hope you can forgive me, I'll try to finish it nonetheless!**

**So...This is a oneshot about the love between female Hawke and Fenris (if you choose to romance him). I kinda used my version of Hawke in the game, named 'Tiadoroppu Hawke' she's a mage and almost always takes the 'friendly' answer ;p Honestly, since the first time I saw Fenris, I wanted to match them up! It's kind of though, since he strongly dislikes mages, but whatever, they're perfect for each other! ^^**

**I tried to keep the discription of Hawke on the minimum, so you can imagine it with your own :p**

**Also, if you haven't played the game or haven't recruited Fenris yet, you probably won't understand a thing of this... -_- sorry... (there shouldn't really be ny spoilers, I myself am not even in half of the first act...)  
**

**It's got both Hawke's and Fenris' point of vieuw, although it's written in 3rd person ;p**

**Hope you like it!**

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Two people were sitting near each other, one lying on the ground whith his elbow keeping his upper body up. And the other one sitting on her knees beside him, they were both covered in blood...

**Hawke's POV:**

"Please, Fenris, just let me heal you!"

"NO! I refuse to let any mage's magic touch me!"

"...Not even...if it's me?" A slight shiver in her voice gave away the hurt that his words brought her

"...No...Not even you!"

She slowly stood up, head lowered while trying to restrain the tears that threatened to come.

_Why did it have to come to this? Was it really that difficult to just, for once, let her cure his wounds? If neither she or Anders would do it, he could...die...!_

The thought of losing him this way was like a knife that cut her straight through her heart.

_She wouldn't lose him, not now, and not ever!_

"Fenris, please...I don't, I don't want you to hurt like this!"

"There are things that hurt more than just a few cuts through my body" he said calmly although it was clear he really was suffering from the wounds

"'just a few cuts'? Fenris, those were poisoned blades! You'll DIE if I don't heal you!" And then the tears came, flowing over her skin smoothly. _Damn it! Why did she have to be so pathetic?_

_Did he truly not understand how much she cared about him? How much grief it caused her to hear every time again, that her only fault was being a mage? Being the one thing that she could be proud of?_

_But he didn't...He didn't care about her, just because she was a mage, he hated her. And he always would. Contrary to what she had hoped, Fenris didn't join her because he wanted to help her in her quests. Rather as a redemption to when she had helped him, or as a simple way to spend his time, now that he was free._

"Then just let me DIE! I'm just an escaped slave anyway! What do you even care?"

"But I DO care about you! You're...important to me..." The last part was spoken quietly, but he heard it, and misunderstood.

"That's just it, isn't it, Hawke? These marking on my skin, they're not only important for the magisters, but for you too. You see me as a weapon as well..." There was so much hatred and disgust in his voice, yet it was weak due to the poison that was quickly spreading through his body.

He was the only one capable to do it. Capable of breaking the great Champion of Kirkwall. With just some words, he did what a thousand archdemons and darkspawn would never be able to do; make her fall on her knees, hands covering her face and crying all the suffering of the world out.

The normally so strong Tiadoroppu Hawke lost the strength to fight and fell down before him. Only few would ever see this sight. Those few where her other comrades, they all had their own opinion about Fenris and his cruel words, but few were positive. And yet they all just kept their distance as this pitiful scene was developing before them. They would want to rush to her side and defend her against him, but because she always said she could handle it, they kept silent. She always said: 'don't hurt him, he's suffered enough...Just let him be, one day, I'll get through to him'. They didn't believe it, but none would want to oppose her.

She slowly dropped her hands, letting the tears visibly fall upon her lap, and whispered the words "Just don't go" for only him to hear.

"Why not?" the white haired elf gruffly said.

She gulped and took a deep breath, she hadn't wanted to say it in a situation like this. But if she didn't tell him now, she would probably never get the chance to tell him again.

"Idiot...It's because I..." She let out a small sob, the tears had slowed down, but not stopped "Because I love you" She closed her eyes and bit her lip, waiting for an answer.

His eyes widened and for a moment, he just stared at her. The man clumsily got up to his knees after a strong pain in his stomach let him know that the end was near.

He gently put his hand on her cheek, making her open her eyes. They were watery and red from the tears, showed despair, lost hope, and she could only wish that he would also see her everlasting love.

Their foreheads touched, and with a breath that seemed his last he whispered "I feel the same".

And then he was gone.

He would've fallen down if she hadn't caught him. Her sobbing increased once more, now with more reason than ever before. The man she had so desperately tried to reach, was now dead.

She put her head in his neck and cried for all the world to hear.

_Screw her reputation! If she hadn't been such a pussy, she would've been able to heal him nonetheless, even if he'd resist. She would've been able to save him. And she might have been more happy for the words he said to her. _

_Now he hasn't ever even known happiness, she could have given it to him...why did this have to happen? Why?_

As she pulled back she inspected his face, even though it was covered by blood, very pale and felt cold already, he was still the handsomest elf of them all. She saw his green eyes that often made her lose her way with words, they always showed so much life despite all the pain he had been through. Now, these moss green crystals held nothing but emptiness. Not even the love he had kept silent, the love she had searched for.

Then a sob came, then a kiss, and then his name, in a scream that came directly from her heart.

The kiss was soft and deeply filled with love and despair for all that they could have become. Her lips had brushed his as if her own life was at its end just like his was a moment before.

Her companions that had been either sitting on a distance, treating each others wounds or had been looking around for any survivors of the though battle they had faced, heard her scream and were immediately worried.

Their faces turned towards her to see the beautiful mage sitting there with Fenris' dead body on her lap and lips once again, merely an inch apart.

The message was clear, Fenris was gone, and Hawke was in deep grief for it. Even deeper than when her sister Bethany or her mother had died.

Merril just didn't know how to react, she too, had been searching for the guy his appreciation and respect. She was a mage just like Hawke, so it was close to impossible, yet she felt connected to him because they were both elves. And now that was too late, and she realized how much her friend had loved him.

"_So the broody elf refused to acknowledge any other feeling than hate, even in the end..." _The storytelling drarf thought. Varric had been watching the two from the corner of his eye, because he knew of both their hidden feelings. He agrief with the mage on the point of healing him, but had predicted things to turn out this way if she wouldn't stand up and use her magic despite his will. _What a shame..._

Anders had a mixture of different feelings going through him. He loved Hawke, and always respected her choice. He knew it was impossible, but he let her do what she wanted and try to reach Fenris his true feelings. Though at first he thought that logic would strike her and she'd eventually come to him instead of the elf with his ever-present bad mood, he hadn't thought things would turn out this way. So yes, he was free from his competition, but seeing her cry over the man she loved so much, he knew that he never had a chance to begin with.

Isabella, Aveline and Carver felt pretty useless because they knew they wouldn't be able to do anything to make her feel better, as nobody would.

The silence overtook them all, and as the sun went down, they all left. They were going to move on with their lives as best as possible, and hope Hawke would be able to do the same.

* * *

**Fenris' POV:**

"Fenris, let me heal you!"

"NO! I refuse to let any mage its magic touch me!"

"...Not even...if it's me?" She had a slight shiver in her voice, what he thought meant that she didn't like that he didn't obey her.

_He wasn't a slave anymore, Goddammit!_

"...No...Not even you!"

_He hated mages. All mages. He knew that he cared for her very much, but she was a mage, so he hid all these emotions deep within him, leaving only room for more hatred._

She slowly stood up, with her head lowered.

_Why did it have to come to this? Honestly, if only she weren't a damn mage! ' There's nothing magic touches that it doesn't turn to ash' ... He believed all mages were evil, something told him that she was different, but what did it matter? She'd be controlled by a demon after time, and she said so herself 'those who lose control, should be dealt with'. And then it would all be over._

He had used the few times he had been in a church of chapel to pray for her. Pray that she wouldn't get caught by these demons of magic. Maybe if she somehow lost the ability to perform magic...Or somehow changed her opinion, and just never use it again.

_He didn't want to lose her because of her magic! He knew it was bound to happen some day, and knowing that there wasn't a thing he would do about it, hurt like hell._

"Fenris, please...I don't, I don't want you to hurt like this!" _She says such things, without knowing a thing!_

"There are things that hurt more than just a few cuts through my body" _He tried to sound calm, like he didn't care, like he was referring to something from his past, like usual. But the wounds were infecting his tone and she'd probably realize he meant how it hurt him to know she'd die from her own magic._

"'just a few cuts'? Fenris, those were poisoned blades! You'll DIE if I don't heal you!"

And then the tears came, flowing over her soft skin like a river through the woods. _Damn it! He really didn't like to see her cry. It meant that she was losing her usual strength due to her feelings._

_Did she truly not understand how much he cared about her? How much grief it cost him to see her use magic for something that could be done by a sword just as well, every time again? And that she was somehow proud to use it in order to protect the innocent?_

_But she didn't... She didn't really care about HIM, only about the lyrium that ran through his body. And that wouldn't change as long as he lived. From the first moment he spoke to her, he realized her beauty, and recognized the justice in her words. He had wanted to help her, in return for what she had done for him. He wanted to help her because...because she was who she was. And she deserved being helped, he was now free but was still willing to help her. However, if she saw him as nothing but a strong weapon, instead of a person who longed for her, what was the point?_

"Then just let me DIE! I'm just an escaped slave anyway! What do you even care?"

_It might have been too harsh to say that, and maybe he sounded really mad, but the pain the poison was causing didn't really soothe his nerves..._

"But I DO care about you! You're...important to me..." The last part was spoken quietly, but he heard it anyway, this was nothing but a confirmation that she really cared nothing for him as a person.

"That's just it, isn't it, Hawke? These marking on my skin, they're not only important for the magisters, but for you too! You see me as a weapon as well..." His voice carried much hatred and disgust, more pointed to his past than to her; He feared she was like them, that he had been wrong to trust her so blindly. But the poison was spreading trough his body quickly and made his thinking weaker.

He had never seen or heard anyone else do it, breaking the great Champion of Kirkwall the way he did. His words were always cruel and seldom carried anything else than hatred. If anyone else talked to her like that, she'd act thoughly and at least pretend not to be hurt by it. She was always so strong, always put up a brave face. Even after a fight with thousand archdemons and darkspawn, she would still stand tall for the sake of who and what she valued. But it seemed like this time, his words hit her more than usual, she fell on her knees again and covered her face with both her hands. She was crying like all the suffering a war could cause, was nothing compaired to what she was feeling.

The normally so strong Tiadoroppu Hawke lost the strength to fight and fell down before him. Only few would ever see this sight. Those few where her other comrades, they all had their own opinion about Fenris and his cruel words, he knew that few were positive. And yet they all just kept a distance as this pitiful scene was developing before them. He would've expected them to rush to her side and defend her against him long ago but for some reason, they didn't. They defended her against any that dared oppose her will, but they never did that when he hurt her. He really didn't understand, since anybody could see that he was the one most capable of hurting her. He knew that it was true, he didn't like it, but never knew anything other than hatred and thus had no idea how to change.

She slowly dropped her hands, letting the tears visibly fall upon her lap.

_So she was still crying...Damn... _

He heard her whisper "Just don't go" And he guessed he was the only one that could hear it.

"Why not?" _Did she still see him as a weapon?Was she really that selfish?_

She gulped and took a deep breath, as if she was about to say something she rather didn't say. An almost unheard sigh came before she spoke;

"Idiot...It's because I..." The beautiful woman before him let out a small sob, it seemed like her tears had slowed down, yet she was still crying."Because I love you" She closed her eyes and bit her lip, almost like she was...embarrassed?

It took a while until he progressed what she had said, he was slightly shocked. _Did she mean it? He never would have guessed, and on top of that, it had seemed as if she didn't want to confess and was embarrassed by it. It was probably just a lie to make him give in and let her heal him._

There was suddenly a strong pain in his stomach which told him he didn't have much time left. He tried to get up but only managed to push his upper body around the same height as hers.

_He had to know. He just realized he loved her, and had to know if she was lying or not. If it was worth it or not._

He gently put his hand on her cheek, and she opened her eyes. He had liked these eyes since the very beginning; they were a beautiful color and always had some highlights in them that made her expression seem so lively and determined. Yet at that moment, they showed different feelings; despair, lost hope... and yes, love for the man in front of her.

Now he knew. If he would've ever looked in her eyes searching for something else than greed, he would've known it earlier. She wasn't trying to fool him. All the pieces of the puzzle slowly melted together and he realized that everything she had said wasn't pointed at his markings, but at him, at his very soul and person.

_He felt unbelievably stupid for letting it come to this._

_Maybe he should have let her heal him, it wouldn't hurt to give in to magic for once...would it? But at any rate, it was too late. He knew he wouldn't survive, though the elf wanted to at least let her know that her love was mutual._

Their foreheads touched, and with a breath he knew would be his last, he whispered "I feel the same".

_At least he would die knowing that there was someone who cared for him, despite his cruel behavior and his painful words. He would die with her by his side, and wouldn't have wanted it any other way._

Then there was nothing. The pain had disappeared, he hadn't felt his eyes close, but his view was pitch black. He could hear her starting to cry heavily once again, and this time felt more sorry than ever before. His consciousness was slowly fading, but he couldn't move any part of his body anymore. He was beginning to feel cold.

The dying elf could slightly feel something touching his neck and guessed it was the young woman's head. He heard her sob again.

The last thing his senses could pick up before his soul left the world of the living for good, was her soft and gentle kiss. He would've wanted nothing more than to kiss her back, make her feel his love, make up for all his mistakes, but there was nothing left of that once so strong will of his.

He wasn't sure if the voice screaming his name was his imagination or not, he just answered it with a whisper as his soul faded away "I'm sorry..." .

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**Yay! Deathfic XD  
did you expect it?**

**Was it too fluffy? I hope note...**

**Anyway, sorry for making him die, it was just more touchy that way...**

**And one more thing, I've got another idea for a fic about those two, one with many chapters *v*  
But I don't know what to do with the ending yet, so I won't start writing 'cause it'd be a huge pity if I had to make an unfinished story :c**


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